


Thoughts On Life

by monkeywand



Category: Original Work
Genre: Diary/Journal, I'm a little nervous sharing this, Mentions Suicide, My experiences, Original Works - Freeform, diary entries, mental health, mentions self-harm, my thoughts, please be kind to me
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-14
Updated: 2018-11-14
Packaged: 2019-08-23 14:59:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 756
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16621190
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/monkeywand/pseuds/monkeywand
Summary: It’s not about having someone to take care of you. It’s about having someone who will have your back, who will help you through the tough times and be with you during the happy ones.





	1. Diary Entry 1

**Author's Note:**

> Sometimes terrible things happen, things that are out of your control, but you (the reader) become the one left to pick up the pieces. 
> 
> This is a snapshot into my life. All the entries are excerpts from my diary.

I want you to remember who you are, despite the bad things that are happening to you. Because those bad things aren’t you. They are just things that happen to you. You need to accept that who you are, and the things that happen to you, are not one and the same. You are not the broken thing that monster has created. You are more than this and I _wish_ you would see that. I see the light inside you; despite the crumbling of your armor; despite the shadows that threaten to take over you. You are strong, so strong to still be here. And I know it’s tiring. But you have to believe, and you have to keep on living.


	2. Diary Entry 2

I can take your frustration. I can take your anger.

But what I can’t take is your tears.

The raw emotion that leaks from your eyes, the heart-wrenching sobs that wrack your body. It hurts me to see you in such pain. And I don’t know how to fix it. I want to wrap you up, hide you away from all the bad in the world.

But I know that’s impossible.

So here I’ll stay, holding you in my arms, rocking you, hoping you’ll feel some comfort in my embrace. I’ll be your shield. The defense between you and the rest of the world. Only you can protect your mind, but I can help protect your body.


	3. Diary Entry 3

You have to stop.

This.

You have to stop throwing your life away.

Because it's not just your life anymore. It's not just your life you have to lose.

You have us.

You have me.

And I need you to see that.

I need you to see that we're here.

To stay.

I want to smack you. I want to shake you until you come to your senses.

We’re not leaving.

We’ll be here as long as you need and more. We’re family. And that’s what family does.

It protects one another.


	4. Diary Entry 4

They always say suicide hurts most the ones you leave behind. Having watched you balance on that brink, I’ve seen first-hand exactly what it does to the ones that love you. It messes them up too. How many innocent lives have to be destroyed before you realize? How many ties will you cut before it’s too late to come back? I don’t want to lose you but I can slowly feel you slipping away from me.

So I beg, and I _plead_.

Keep fighting.

For your family.

For me.

For yourself.


	5. Diary Entry 5

It’s quiet and I wonder if that’s good. Sometimes the silence is bad, because the thoughts start to take over your mind. But today there is no sound. No screaming, no crying, no angry mutterings as I pass by. Just silence. I see you laying there listlessly, staring blankly off into the distance. I almost wish for some reaction, just so I know you’re feeling again.


	6. Diary Entry 6

I’m tired.

Tired of fighting you.

Tired of fighting myself.

And I’m _tired_ of being tired.

I’m sick of feeling this way.

It’s exhausting.

You’re exhausting.

I just wish you would snap out of it.

Say something.

_Anything_.

Just don’t wallow anymore.

Start caring.

About yourself.

About me.

_Anything_.


	7. Diary Entry 7

I wonder how much of myself is going to be left after this. How much has been worn away by you, and how much I have simply given up on. I wonder if I’ll ever fine the energy to breathe again, to stop fighting for you and to be myself. How do I be the strong one without losing myself? I can only try and hope that someone is there to stop me from drowning.


	8. Diary Entry 8

It’s easier to let it all go in the darkness. Easier to let it all out; let down all the walls the light gives strength to. Because in the darkness, nobody can see you. No one can see how broken you really are. The darkness hides all traces of tears; muffles all screams; extinguishes all evidence that everything was once all right.

I know this because I’ve broken down too. 


	9. Diary Entry 9

It’s been a long process but I think we’re getting there. There’s a flicker of light on the horizon, a glimmer of hope that hasn’t been seen in days. I think maybe, just maybe, we’re gonna be okay, you and I. I think we’ll get through this and emerge stronger on the other side. We won’t be the same people we were before, but change is good. It makes us appreciate what we really have.

**Author's Note:**

> This is really personal to me. I write to help myself understand situations, to help myself deal with emotions and to help myself process I'm thinking. It's not supposed to make sense but I do hope it shows some insight on to what I'm thinking.


End file.
